Guilt and denial

Last night during our nightly phone call, my two youngest girls told me they had a surprise for me. They said I would see it when I got home. I figured they had drawn me a picture or left a note. What they did was to clean their room. And I mean CLEAN. You can even see the dresser! And as a bonus, they did not stuff anything under their beds. (They mentioned that tidbit this morning. I laughed.) Ellie even cleaned out her dresser and f-o-l-d-e-d her clothes. Wow! I mean, WOW! I was impressed.

Then, this morning, I am awakened by four children (Boobear is at her dad's house) who brought me breakfast. In bed. It was even good. Just what I wanted for breakfast. And there were notes that said "Thanks for being a good mom. You are the best."

Why do I feel guilty? Why is the first thing that pops in my head: "I'm not a good mom, I don't deserve this?" Am I striving for some level of perfectionism that is not only out of reach, but impossible since I don't even know what I'm striving for?

I am a good mom. This can be my new daily affirmation. You are a good mom. You don't beat your children, yell at them (unless I need to be heard), or make them wear old fashioned clothes. You might give them nicknames that they will have to defend later on (thanks, anonymous Nate!) but you are a good mom. Affirmations make me think of Saturday Night Live way back when I was in college. I am good enough, smart enough, and dog-gone it, people like me. Now if I could just find some friends.