Money is so important - Not!

My ex-husband and I have joint custody of my oldest daughter, who I'll call Boobear. She will be starting junior high next year. Boobear's dad has four other children at his house, I have four other children at my house. She spends 1/2 a week at each house (she has a crazy schedule but loves it, fortunately). My ex has always been obsessed with money. Feels like it makes him into something. Self-confidence issues anyone? In fact, in our divorce, he said "I'm losing my wife and daughter. I want to keep the house so I have something to show for the divorce." I don't know if it was more pathetic that I gave it to him, or that he "needed" it. Anyway.

My daughter has a style of dress that is similar to mine: jeans, t-shirts, casual, neutral colors. I feel comfortable in my clothes, feel like "me". He has recently started this thing with her where he wants her to dress so that people know that he has money. He actually said those exact words to her. "I want you to dress so that people will know that I have money."

I've tried to talk to her (walking on eggshells so I don't bash her dad) about how money doesn't make you a good or bad person, it doesn't make you better than someone else, and it's not as important as other things, like being happy, liking yourself, etc. I talked to the ex about being careful with how he words things to her. Yet, he has done it again.

They took their kids shopping at Dillard's. Now, maybe when I have as much money as him (whatever) I'll want to blow my money buying the same dress for $75 as I can get for $40 - but probably not. I love sales. I don't think that will ever change. My kids dress nice. But they wear what they want, not what will make people think that we have money by looking at our children's clothes.

Okay, so they took them shopping for Easter dresses. At Dillard's. Told Boobear that she could either find a dress there or not get one at all. Hhhmm. No pressure. Or maybe it's no choice.

I also took Boobear shopping for an Easter dress. (Dear ex does not want her clothes from his house to come to our house. We often rip our clothes apart and set them on fire, just for fun.) We went to 7 stores before she found the dress she wanted. We also looked at Dillard's. And Mervyn's. And The Children's Place. And found one, finally. And it's nice. And it was on sale.

I just hope she looks like we make money when she wears it.